No Candle Can Replace It
by morganaqueen
Summary: Merlin meets Morgana though out time and falls in love with her just to lose her again. (reincarnation)
1. Chapter 1

It has been over five hundred years since the events of Camelot. Five hundred years since he watched the love of his life take her final breath. He blamed himself for what she became. If he had just helped her. Had told her what he was instead of making her go through it alone things would be different. There wouldn't have been someone trying to kill them all and rule Camlelot herself. She would have been able to watch her brother become king. Would have seen magic restored to the kingdom. Maybe even gotten married and had kids. If he had been lucky it could have been him she got married to. It could have been his children running around calling her mom. Instead he stayed silent and it is this fact that haunts him everyday of his life.

Of course that had been long ago and things had changed since then. Camelot was no more. There was a new king on the throne. The people from his time have moved on. He has not seen any of them since that day and he doesn't think he ever will again. He is the only one left and he accepts that fact. It is easier to live knowing that he won't have to see them again. Knowing that they are in a better place.

As he walks through a village on the outskirts of London, he doesn't expect to see anything unusual but that is exactly what he sees. He sees the familiar long, black hair. The hair that he always wanted to run his fingers through. It can't be her though. She is dead. He killed her. He follows behind the woman though. He has to check to see. He has to know for sure. The woman leads him to the local bakery and he follows her in. When she turns around, his heart stops a little. It is her, the girl that haunts his dreams. The girl that he thought he'd never see again. She holds out her hand, introduces herself. Millicent. Her name is different but he knows who she really is.

He buys the bread for her, leads her out of the shop. She lives just outside the village on a farm. He walks her home. This is how the courtship begins. She comes to the village on an errand. He buys her a drink at the pub, some bread, anything she wants. He has saved up money over all these years. He can afford it. A few weeks later and she is his wife. He knows that it can not be forever but he is unwilling to let her go. Not after all this time of longing for her.

He builds her a house not too far outside the village and becomes a farmer. The crops grow with a little bit of magic. They never go hungry. Life is good. It is a year after the marriage that she tells him she is with child. He couldn't be happier. She will be a good mom, he knows it. He watches her belly grow. Feels the child kicking. He builds a bassinet, she sews the clothes. They are prepared for this child.

The labor is difficult. She loses a lot of blood. The midwife doesn't think she will make it through the night. He holds her hand, brushes her hair out of her face. This is Camelot all over again. He has to watch her die just like he had to before. At least this time he can comfort her as she passes. Kissing her lips one last time, she takes one finally breath before moving on from this world.

The baby is a healthy little girl. The midwife finds a woman to help him care for her. At least for the first year of life. The girl grows up under the watchful eye of her father. She reminds him of her mother. The same eyes and hair, the same smile, the same attitude. Nothing will ever stand in her way. It is the winter of her 16th year that everything changes. She gets a fever, chills, a cough. He tries everything he can to help her live but she dies after a week of suffering. He buries her next to her mother. Two graves that will one day be forgotten. He lays flowers on their graves. His family has moved on and so must he.


	2. 1400s

(1400s) Merlin struggles with the death of his wife and child. He looks for her where ever he goes. If she came back once then maybe she will return again. Maybe if he is lucky things will turn out differently this time. Maybe he can have her longer than he did. Maybe she will remember this time.

It is another four-hundred years before she does return. The religion that Uther so embraced is now all over Albion. They have whole buildings just for the people who live that faith. Nuns he thinks they're called. Sisters. They wear loose fitting grey garments and habits that cover their hair. As he passes a convent he sees a familiar face. At first he is not sure it is her. Her hair is covered with a habit. Looking at her more closely there is no denying it. This is her. This is the girl that never leaves his thoughts.

She is working in a garden outside the convent. The other nuns have already gone in for the day but she is still out there. Even in this ill fitting garment and habit she is beautiful. He sits down his bag and goes to help her. At first she is afraid of him and it is understandable. She sends him away with a few carrots. Feeding the poor like a good nun does.

He comes back the next day and the day after that. There is no sending him away. He helps her with the garden and the chores. He builds them a fence, fixes the roof, does everything that needs to be done. After a few weeks she warms up to him and tells him her name. Sister Madelaine. As they work together he learns her story. How after her parents died the sisters took her in. How at first she didn't want to be a nun but soon warmed up to the idea. She is happy and he is happy for her.

One day he is alone with her in the garden like usual. The sun shines down on her face and she wipes at some sweat on her brow. He reaches over and hands her his handkerchief. His hand lightly brushes against hers and she blushes. He moves closer, leaning in to kiss her lips. She doesn't move back. Instead she deepens the kiss. She is not a good nun.

Their love affair last over a year. During the day he helps out at the convent. At night they sneak into the woods that surround the place. It is at night that they kiss, hug, and do so much more. Things that would make any good nun blush. The L word is never exchanged but they both feel it. They both know they love each other. One night the Mother of the convent catches them and sends him away. He is not welcomed anymore. He watches from a distance for a few days before moving on. There will be no love between a nun and a man.

Fifty years later he wonders by the convent again. He hasn't seen her since that night in the woods and doesn't expect to see her again. As he passes by though there she is. Her back is bent with age, her face wrinkly. The hair that escapes her habit is white. He takes the changes in and smiles. He has never seen someone so beautiful. He stands by a tree and watches her work for a few hours. She does not notice him. Instead she fills a basket with some carrots and heads inside. It is time for prayers.

He comes back a few weeks later but she is not there. He waits for her. She does not appear in the garden or anywhere else outside the convent. He walks around the grounds and stumbles upon asmall graveyard. There is a new grave. He can tell it is new. The grass has yet to grow on it. It is a simple wooden cross. 'Sister Madelaine' is all it says. She has moved on from this life. He mumbles a spell and watchs as purple flowers appear on the grave. They were her favorite in Camelot and she deserves them on her grave. He knows that maybe if things had been differently they could have grown old together. Could have married and had kids. But those things were not meant for this lifetime and it is time to move on.


End file.
